Life Is Not About Checking Off Boxes

I want to know who in the hell came up with the mentality that life is a checklist.

___Enter world

___Grow Up

___Go to College

___Get a Job (Benefits, benefits, benefits!!!)

___Get Married

___Have Kids

___Retire

___Die

Seriously, life was set up for us before we even had a chance to fully live it. Except nowadays, people are becoming more vocal about wanting to punch these boxes off the shelf. Some people are having kids and then getting married. Some are getting married and never even having kids (GASP!). Some aren’t getting married at all. Some are retiring at early ages because they broke the damn mold of what a “successful” job “should” be and crushed it well before their golden years. And you know what? Some people are dying before they even get a chance to see or experience any of these opportunities above.

Life is NOT a serious of boxes to check off. Life is an OPPORTUNITY. An opportunity to do whatever it is that makes YOU happy and free. Not what Joe Schmoe Societal Hoe put out into our world as requirements for a happy life.

If it’s not apparent how severely depressed a LOT of people are, you may actually live in a bubble. Take it from someone who doesn’t watch the news, but watches people instead, the amount of people who battle mental health issues because of the comparison game is outstanding. We are made to believe that if we check off those boxes, we’ve lived a fulfilling life. We did it “right”.

But my boxes aren’t the same as your boxes, dear reader. So which of us is right and which of us is wrong? Does it really even matter? If you’re happy, then I’m happy FOR you. Maybe you want your boxes to be circles Maybe you just want to stop worrying about accumulating accomplishments and actually ENJOY the time you have here on this planet.

I’m not saying living life by your own checklist is wrong. If that’s what truly excites you, then go on with yo bad self. But if you’re like me and just want to step out and BREATHE for a moment or two, then do it. No one is here to live your life but you.

I want so badly for my nephews to grow up in a world where they can stop looking at what society is telling them to do, and do what THEY want to do. As long as it’s not committing crimes, because then Aunt Staci is going to crack the whip. But I just want them to grow up without expectations placed on them other than being decent human beings. I want them to marry who they want to marry (if they even want to), go to school or not go to school, BE who they want to be and never feel the weight of the world on their shoulders.

We can do better, kids. We can break molds and shred boxes by not placing so many expectations out there. We can do the unthinkable and MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS (insert handclap emoji between each word there) so that people feel like they have the freedom to be who they want to be. That’s all we all want anyway, isn’t it?

Nothing is going to change if we don’t recognize the people working to do it differently. Celebrate the rebels and the dreamers. Put your faith in the ones who have the audacity to go for it. They show us that seriously ANYTHING is possible.

Have the audacity. Get shit done.

xo, Staci

UNLEARNING: The Key to Moving Forward

When we are born, we are perfect. Funny, because most of us spend our entire lifetime chasing perfection, yet we’re given this elusive gift right at the start of our lives. 

It’s when we start to learn things that we step away from the perfect beings that we are. Depending on our environment, we may be taught to be a lover or a hater. Maybe we’re taught to accept everyone as equal to us or maybe it’s the opposite... You’re taught to think of yourself as better or less than others.  Then there’s the whole money mentality... You can be taught that you have to work hard to earn money or you’re taught that prosperity is your birth right. You’re taught that you’re right and someone else is wrong or vice versa. 

It’s a freaking mess. We didn’t sign up for the things we were taught!! We didn’t give permission for our parents to pass along their junk. But here’s the thing, neither did THEY. They didn’t say “Hey mom & dad, I give you permission to teach me some warped ass ways of thinking. Gimme alllllll your thoughts on success and what it means to YOU. Lay it on me!”  

Oh, and your grandparents didn’t sign up for it either, so let grandma and grandpa off the hook before you even put them on it. 

While I do actually believe we sign up for the life we are given way before we’re even thought of in our parents minds’, that’s a completely different topic for a different day. But I will say, on a human level, we didn’t sign up for jack shit. 

So we little humans grow up to be big humans and find that everything we have been taught seems to be the way of life. So we accept these lessons and we pass them on to our offspring. 

Until some little freak breaks the cycle. 

I’d like to say I’m my family’s freak. I’m sure my in-laws 100% believe husband married a freak! 

At some point, I was introduced to a new way of thinking and it hit me: I am in control of my thoughts, my beliefs, and my reality from THIS point forward. 

So I set out on quest to learn new ways of thinking that would get me to the place in life I wanted to be. And it worked. For a while. 

Until I realized that even though I had learned all these new thoughts, the old ones were still taking up a good chunk of my mental chatter. 

What freaking gives, man?! (Figure of speech, lets not get all hot and bothered my use of the word “man”). 

It wasn’t until I had a serious breakdown that I found what I was doing “wrong”. Now, no one asks for a breakdown. People don’t wake up and think “Ya know, today is a good day for breakdown... Bring it on!” 

No, it’s usually brought on by some pent up emotions that are in need of a serious boot out the door, so up to the surface they come. 

But through my breakdown, when I literally cursed all of the new thoughts I was teaching myself to believe, I realized something BIG: It’s not necessarily about learning the new thoughts and beliefs. It’s about UNLEARNING the old ones.

By UNlearning old beliefs, we put them to bed. We say goodbye to their place in our lives so that we can go on to actually learn and foster the new beliefs. Not just learn of them and let them battle it out with the old ones. That keeps us stuck and eventually, frustrated. Very, very frustrated. 

So how do we unlearn something? 

First, we have to be open to change. Without being even slightly open to this journey, we’ll never move in the direction we want to go. Maybe you will, but it will be a long and arduous journey. 

Second, we have to recognize that the power lies within us to make the changes necessary.  No outside force, be it an object or a person we love, can make the changes for us. They can TEACH us, but it’s up to us to LEARN. If we want to learn the new, we have to unlearn the old. And that’s up to US.

*Note: Some will say that a higher power is an outside force. I think, or at least in my interpretations of any texts, that a higher power exists WITHIN all of us. We are the embodiment of the higher power we believe in.*

And now, the most important step: We have to wipe the slate clean. We have to be willing to see our minds as brand new and ready to be molded. We’re like little kids at every stage of our lives so the quicker we accept that and roll with it, the easier it is to not give a shit about what anyone thinks of our “changes”(Also another topic for another day). 

This can be easy for some, but for others, it can be just as difficult as winning the Olympics. Caution: Do NOT automatically assume it’s going to be difficult for you. It could take you an hour to switch over your mentality in one area, or it could take a year. It all depends on your willingness and openness to change. 

If you are someone who can switch up your mentality no problem, then go on with yo bad self! OWN IT. Don’t shrink back because you see that it can be harder for others. You’re in your lane, they’re in theirs. Stay in your lane and cruise, baby, cruise.

If you’re someone who has a bit more trouble making mental changes, that’s okay! It’s not impossible, no matter how it may seem at the moment. There are tools to help you get there. But, like I’ve said countless times already, you have to be willing and open (figure out the moral of the story yet? LOL)

  1. I feel like you know what I’m going to say, and maybe it seems cliché or obvious, but I’m going to say it anyway. Maybe then it will sink in. One of the best tools you have up your sleeve is MEDITATION. It has taken me a while to really fall in love with meditation, so I feel like I’m very qualified to say that IT HELPS. You don’t have to go into it with insane expectations to find answers or profound thoughts. Just setting a timer for 5 minutes a day and sitting in silence helps you grow the meditation muscle so that eventually, you CAN be open to receiving guidance in your sessions. If you prefer to follow guided meditations, you’re in luck! We live in this wonderful era where YouTube exists, so just type in whatever you’re looking for (ex: 20 minute guided meditation) and boom, you’re on your way! Oprah and Deepak Chopra have great mediations for free every so often, so head over to https://chopracentermeditation.com/to stay up-to-date on their next one! They also have mediations for purchase. 

  2. Journaling- Dear Diary style, if you will. Journaling is much more therapeutic than people realize. I think a lot of people have moved away from this because of technology, but if you prefer to type instead of whip out your feather and ink, then by all means, start a document on your computer or open the notes on your phone and type away how you’re feeling. GET THEM FEELINGS OUT. It’s better to let them out if you ever want to experience new ones. Katie Dalebout has a great book of journal prompts called Let It Out if you’re looking for some guidance on what to write. You can also keep it simple and just free write. I like to do a combination of free writes, responding to prompts, and writing out prayers. I find I get the most bang for my buck when I write what I want to say, so it really helps me process things better. It could be the key to helping you process your old beliefs before you unlearn them.

  3. Get Out In Nature- Have you ever noticed how time and worries seem to slip away when you’re outside doing something fun? Maybe it’s a pick-up game of soccer in the park with your friends or maybe it’s just a walk down your favorite trail, but you start to notice you feel less tense. Fresh air can do that to you. You start to feel more grounded and your head feels a bit more clear. It gets easier to work with your mind when it’s not fighting you every step of the way.

These are only a few ways to get your mind to slow it’s roll so if you know of something that helps you do that, by all means, do it! Just make sure it’s 1. Healthy and 2. Not making you run away from your thoughts, but rather clear them out. 

Once you’ve tapped into those old beliefs and recognized how they’ve often sabotaged part of your dreams, you can kiss them goodbye and move on to TRULY learning the new beliefs. 

But first, let them go. If you’re not big on theatrics, simply state the belief you’re letting go and say “I let you go.” If you’re slightly dramatic or ceremonious like I am, find a way to officially cut ties with the beliefs you unlearned. Maybe you write them down and then burn them. Maybe you rip them up. Maybe you set up a whole ritual... whatever it is, it should be definitive. If thoughts creep back in at some point, they’re just telling you that you didn’t fully unlearn them and it’s time to really let them go. Don’t let yourself spiral back into the old ways. Just go through these steps again and move on.

When you have let the old thoughts and beliefs go, don’t turn back. ALLOW the new thoughts to burrow into your subconcisous. You may have to turn back to meditation (just do it everyday, already) and it WILL take work. Some of us are working with decades and decades of believing the old. But it’s possible. 

Surround yourself with people and objects that reflect this new reality you want to create. Sometimes that means distancing yourself from people who do not energetically go with your desires. That can be difficult, but it depends on how much you want this new reality. 

Sometimes it means getting rid of things that are of sentimental value. Again, how bad do you want change? 

Do your part in setting up this new reality. 

If it’s a new relationship you want, make space in your life for a relationship. Clear up a space in your schedule for potential dates. Doesn’t matter if you actually have any lined up (yet). Just make the time. 

If it’s more money you want, can you get rid of any costs that really don’t make sense to you right now? Are you paying for a service you don’t even use (I’m looking at you, guy who hasn’t been to the gym in 7 months but still pays for a membership)?  Why do you want the money? To buy new things? Maybe clear out some of the other items you have that you haven’t used in 4 years so that energetically, you have the space for the new items. Want the money for a vacation? Plan the trip. Plan out travel, lodging, activities, and anything else you want the trip to include. Simply plan it. Don’t worry about how it could come about. Just get excited and plan. The “How” has a funny way of working itself out ;). If it’s money for bills, think of what you’ll do after your bills are paid and do things that help you feel as though you’re doing the desired activities! 

Is it a new car you want? Go test drive the car. Then treat your car as if it’s that car. Clean it up, service it, take out the pile of trash in your back seat. Get an air freshener that gives off the new car smell. 

When you do things like this in setting up your new reality, you open yourself up to actually RECEIVING this new reality. Opportunities appear and magic happens.

Unlearning things that are deep rooted in your mind can seem daunting and nearly impossible. But once you set off on the path to do so, you won’t want to turn back. You’ll keep going and the more you allow yourself to experience the JOYOUS side of the journey, things will flow to you a lot quicker and easier. 

So get out there and unlearn to learn ️<3

xo, Staci

There Is Life After Death

On April 10, 2001, my life changed drastically. My beautiful mom passed away of ovarian cancer at the age of 40, not even a full year after her diagnosis. I was ten years old.

Now, it doesn’t matter what age we are when we lose a parent. It’s difficult at any age. But at ten, I was at that weird point in my life where I was on the verge of understanding what this loss meant without having the full mental capacity to navigate this new normal. It was a struggle for many years after she passed away, as I learned more and more what this meant for me personally.

It meant watching your friends’ parents cheer them on at track meets and school events. It meant watching friends get pictures with their moms at proms and graduation. It meant getting into college and not being able to tell her. It meant finding the love of my life and not being able to see what she thinks about him. It meant getting dressed without her on my wedding day. It meant seeing a single white rose in her place as I walked down the aisle instead of an actual person. It meant being the shoulder to lean on when my friend’s lost their moms. It meant feeling very alone at times, years later, when I felt the sadness creep in because people I’ve met since her passing didn’t know her. It will mean having kids and them not knowing her.

There is just so much this loss has meant over the last 18 years. And as much as I have missed out on and as many memories I will never have with my mom, my life is in a unimaginable place BECAUSE of her loss.

I know for a fact I would not be the same person I am today if my mom were around. I don’t think I would be so in love with growth and personal development if she were still here today. I miss my mom so much and I wish more than anything I could talk to her one more time and just have her talk back to me. But I wouldn’t have the tools to help people through hard times if I didn’t experience them myself.

I wouldn’t have compassion coursing through my veins nor would I have the resilience to bounce back and reclaim my power when things go “wrong.”

It took me years to get there, but there truly is life after death. If there is one thing I know for a fact in this life, it’s that we are all going to die. Sure, I could spend my days wallowing in sadness and hurt, blaming life for taking so much away from me when I was so young.

But then I would miss out on the beautiful memories that are here for the taking. I would miss out on the joy of seeing my dogs greet me at the door when I get home from work. I would miss out on the adventures with friends and family at the lake or back in my college town. I would miss out on the beautiful novels and personal development books that exist in the world today. Music wouldn’t fill my soul. Chips and salsa wouldn’t taste so good (had to throw that in there). I would be closed off to love. I would be closed off to all things GOOD.

I’m here to say that when loved ones die, we don’t have to die with them. Sometimes, that’s going to feel really tough. Especially if loss is recent. I don’t care what anyone says, loss hurts. It will rip into your soul and test you in ways you never thought possible. You’ll want to wave a white flag at times because it will feel so unbearable.

But then, one day, you’ll wake up and notice the sun shining just a little brigther. You’ll feel a little lighter and the tears won’t come as often. Food will start to taste like it used to, colors will start to pop again, and you’ll realize that your soul has begun to heal. Your heart doesn’t hurt so much.

You may want to grasp at the pain and hold on to it, because it’s what got you through those first few days, months, years… but let it go. When you let go of the pain and the sadness, it doesn’t mean you’re forgetting your loved one or leaving them in the past.

It simply means you’re giving yourself permission to move FORWARD.

Just like your loved one(s) would want. I know my mom would never want me to hold myself back from living just because she isn’t able to do so herself. In fact, that’s why I’m so intent on living a life of peace, freedom, joy, and happiness. Because I have seen plenty of death in this lifetime. I have seen the dark days. I have barely made it by on some occasions.

And I can tell you that feeding into those times only made it harder. Yes, I have my days still. With it being six days until the anniversary of my mom’s passing, I can feel the sadness setting in. I can feel the “what ifs” running through my mind. I can feel the lump rising in my throat, the tears stinging my eyes. Because every anniversary, every birthday, and every holiday reminds me that there is someone very important missing. There are many important people missing.

But I know all those emotions and physical sensations pass, just like the days do. I laugh on these days, just like I sometimes cry. Because I have the gift of living.

If you’re experiencing loss right now that’s fresh and raw, please don’t feel as if seeing life as a gift has to be your current mindset. Your hurt and your sadness is valid. Let yourself move through the emotions and let yourself grieve. But when the day comes for you to choose the happiness again, I urge you to choose that path. It will be hard. It will feel uncomfortable. But it will be worth it. A weight will be lifted and the air you breath will feel fresh and light again.

Love and peace are possible again. Giving yourself permission to live is one of the biggest gifts you can give your deceased loved one (s). To see your smile light up a room and to see your joy gives THEM joy. They get to smile in that room with you.

Trust that our experiences lead us to a greater purpose in life. There IS life after death. You are entitled to it. Your loved ones WANT THAT for you. Live for them. But most importantly, live for yourself.

Much love,

xo, Staci

Life Happens FOR You: Ditching the Victim Mentality to Fully LIVE

One of my biggest habits I had to break when I started to dive into personal development was to break free from being the victim of life. Believe me, I have had plenty of reasons to break down and cry. And there was a very long period of time when I thought everything was happening to me. But it never got me anywhere positive to sit there thinking “oh woe is me.” In fact, it pushed a lot of people and opportunities away.

Truth is, we are ALL going to experience our fair share of troubles in life. They’re going to look different from everyone else’s, sure. But at some point, challenges are going to arise.

You have two choices: Ask “Why is this happening to me?” OR you can ask “How/What can I learn from this?”

It’s true, life is what you make of it. And you can choose to walk around kicking rocks thinking about how much you hate the hand you’ve been dealt, or you can rise up from the ashes and claim your inner power. You get to to choose the path you take moving forward. You get to choose to make it great!

So how do you that when it seems as if the world around you is crashing down? How can you get up after being knocked down? How can you show your face after facing “humiliation”?

By honoring your feelings. By honoring your feelings and then choosing new, empowering thoughts, which lead to new feelings.

It’s important to note that you are a human. There are going to be bad days! There are going to be days when you want to cry or stomp your feet or punch something (may I suggest something soft?)… That’s okay!! If you bottle things in, that will halt growth and keep you stuck. I want you to embrace those feelings.

But there is a difference between honoring your feelings and playing the victim. I have a shitload of annoying circumstances in my life right now, and believe me, it’s hard not to wallow in the pity I want to feel for myself. And some moments I do. I had a family member distance themselves from me for a reason I seriously don’t even know. It hurt me. I’m someone who wants to talk it out when they have an issue, so not knowing what caused this distance was upsetting to me. And it happened at a time when I had about seven other things tugging at my emotions. I launched into all the reasons why I couldn’t handle one more thing to my stress load, and then I stopped.

I had to stop letting this take away my energy. I had to recognize this really wasn’t even about me, but what the other person is going through. I had to remember that those who love me unconditionally are the ones I want to keep in my circle. I learned that God removes people from your life that don’t want to add greatness to it. We all deserve greatness. So we all deserve people who can help us experience that greatness.

I could’ve cried and moped around way past the few days that I did. I could’ve fought for this person’s attention. I could’ve kept my defense up and pointed fingers. But I honored my feelings, let them go, and recognized what this could do for me life. What lesson this was providing me.

That’s claiming your power. That is saying “I don’t want to be the victim” and owning your part in a situation. That’s owning your part in this life. Recognizing that life is working FOR you at all times, is one of the most amazing perception shifts you can experience.

It’s all about flipping your script and writing the story you want to see.

Not seeing the results you want to see in a relationship? What can you be learning about yourself in this situation?

Finances keeping you stuck in life? How can you open yourself to the infinite possibilities of how money can flow into your life?

Having a bad day? What’s GOOD about it?

Having a bad month? Again, what’s going well??

Can’t find a job? Use this as your chance to figure out what you REALLY want to do.

Did you lose a loved one? 1. Give yourself some grace and 2. Maybe you needed this to happen for you to recognize that life is so very short and fragile. You should spend it being the best you can be and enjoying your time here on this earth!

Going through a breakup? Maybe you needed to learn your WORTH.

Every single life situation can be flipped into a positive. It may not feel like it in this very moment, and you’re allowed to feel what you need to feel. That’s how healing happens. But trust that what you are supposed to see and experience in life is waiting for you in it’s own timing. Hard times don’t last. They build your strength and resilience. They truly can help you become an unrecognizable version of yourself (in a good way) if you let them.

It’s all up to you. Do you want the power to lay in the control of outside circumstances? Or do YOU want to be holding the controller?

I know which one I’d choose.

Claim your power, my friend. You’ll be so glad you did.

xo, Staci

To The Unreachable Loved One

I wish you would come around more.

I don’t say that to make you feel guilty, because I know what you’re going through must be hard. 

But I selfishly wish you would come around more. 

Life isn’t so perfect for me, ya know. I have my struggles, too. That’s why I wish you would come around. So you know you’re not alone and that we can work through things together. 

The unreturned phone calls, texts, emails, messages... I pretend they don’t sting. But truth be told, I have to wipe my tears away when I hear that voicemail greeting. It’s hard to not take it personal. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something to make you want to keep your distance? 

But I know that you don’t do it to hurt anyone. You don’t do it to hurt me. Your soul just feels broken and you think it’s too much for others to handle.

But did you know that you don’t have to be anyone or anything other than yourself? Your heart? It’s made of gold and that makes you so special. Your laughter and smile lights up a ROOM when you let it. Your goofiness & compassion can make anyone feel welcome. You’re so amazing, and I wish you could see that. 

I promise, that if you decide to come around more one day, that I will show you your greatness. I will work to show you the beauty you can have in your life.

But until then, I give you your space. I know that no one can be helped unless they want to be helped. I pray for the day you need me. And not in an enabling way, but simply to need me in your life. 

Just know this: I will always love you. You matter, you’re beautiful and brilliant, and you have more to offer this world than you realize.

Take all the time you need to sort through the parts of your life that hurt you. I’ll be here, waiting with open arms to create more memories with you. 


Love, 

Me 

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Judgement : The Ultimate Plague

I know, I know... I’m supposed to write positive & uplifting things seeing as I consider myself a teacher of Personal Development. But to be honest, PD isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, so sometimes we need to touch base on the dirty deets.


And today’s dirty deet: JUDGEMENT. 


I don’t care how saintly you think you are, we all judge at some point in our lives. Whether we are judging another person, judging an opinion, or judging a freaking baked good, we all have done it. We all have used it in our lives.


Judgement isn’t always a bad thing. But its definitely something that plagues the human race. 


We judge people on their religious and/or political beliefs. 


We judge people on their weight and appearance.


We judge people when they are at rock bottom.


We judge people when they are doing well in life.


We judge women for being a SAHM.


We judge women for being too career-oriented.


We judge men for being too insensitive.


We judge some men when they ARE sensitive.


We judge vegans.


We judge girly-girls.


We judge tomboys.


We judge people based on what car they drive.


We judge people on how they spend their money.


We judge people for eating an entire sleeve of Girl Scout cookies to themselves (I can say I have not been one to judge on this seeing as I have done this.... more than once).


We judge people on what we see NOW, regardless of what they could have experienced in their past.


We judge people based on their race.


We judge people based on their level of education.



Want me to stop yet??


It’s INSANE how much we judge others. Guys and gals, I am not free from the woes of judgement. I have been judged and have been the one dishing it out. 


It’s human nature to judge. Somewhere along the way, someone taught people to separate themselves. 


That person is a dick (judgement). 


But seriously, we have really taken a turn for the worst with humanity. We are so NASTY to one another. 


If a mom stays at home all day with her kids, she’s NOTHING compared to the mom who works all day and comes home to cook, clean, run herself thin, etc. UM, I don’t know if you have ever spent a full day with toddlers, but they are WORK. 


But on the flip side, a mom who has a career isn’t a good enough mom because she’s not home catering to every single need of her child/children. 


Then there’s the guy who shows zero emotion. He’s too hard to crack and this makes him unapproachable. 


But the guy who DOES show emotion is weak and can’t be taken seriously.


Can I let you in on a little secret?? People judge what they don’t understand. And we have stopped even TRYING to understand one another. We’ve closed ourselves off to others, and then point the finger to say there’s something wrong with “them”. When in reality, we need to point the finger at ourselves.


If something offends or bothers you about someone, it’s likely that they are either mirroring a quality you dislike about yourself or they’re digging up some emotion within you that you don’t like to deal with. 


For example, I have a really hard time with people who speak ill of their ex significant other to me when they have a kid with this person. As someone who grew up with divorced parents who strongly disliked and disagreed with one another, I can tell you that it has an effect on you to listen to them complain about one another. It triggers me even more when these people grew up in homes with parents who are still married to this day. I catch myself judging these people because it sparks up feelings of anger & sadness within me when I think about what their kid has to endure growing up. I, myself, have judged a parent for not doing what I think they should be doing and have had to stop myself because of the kid. Because I KNOW what it’s like to love someone so much who is being judged so harshly.


It never makes me feel good nor does it get me ahead in life to judge these people. So I have to ACTIVELY change the narrative in my head.


It’s imperative we do this as a human race. We have to start rewriting our narratives that are detrimental to not only society but to ourselves. Because who are as people and what we bring to the table is what forms society’s ideals. 


We DO have the power to change the world and the limitations we feel are put on us by judgement. 


It starts with the most important person in your life: YOU. And not in the “shut down and block everyone out” kind of way. 


When you make a conscious effort to be and do good in your OWN LIFE on a daily basis, miraculous shifts occur. The world around you changes because your inner world does. Not the other way around.


When you stop judging others, others stop judging you. Crazy, right??? 


Don’t understand how someone could do something they way they’re doing it? Recognize that they’re showing up to life in the way they’re meant to. That can always change in the future as they learn and grow... something that everyone has a RIGHT to do. 


Placing your judgement on someone is putting limitations on them in YOUR OWN EYES. Sorry to say, but you don’t have a right to limit anyone’s greatness. When you try to do that, you’re only putting the limitations on yourself.


And if all of THAT doesn’t spark a fire in you to at least become conscious of your judgey ways, then let’s keep it simple: 


You don’t like being judged, so don’t judge others! 


Now, can we all just make a pact to work on becoming a better person everyday so that we can truly be great to one another? K cool, thanks! 


Carry on with your week!

Xo, Staci 

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Personal Growth Is PERSONAL- Live YOUR Truth, Not Perfection.

I’ve come to realize that personal growth can be both a blessing and a curse. I think the ways in which it can be a blessing are obvious: You work on being a better person every day, you start to feel grateful for the life you have, you radiate love and happiness, etc.


But for some, personal growth can feel like a personal hell. 


Before I elaborate on this, I want to say that growth is MESSY at times. No one said it wouldn’t be. Leveling up in life often means that you are going to need to shed the older layers of self that no longer serve you. That takes WORK. It doesn’t have to be miserable, but it also doesn’t have to be perfect. 


I have seen friends get trapped by personal growth. I have felt that way myself at times; trapped. You want so much to be in this “other place” than you are currently that you push and shove against the grain to “make it happen.” Guys, that’s not growth. That’s struggle.


Personal growth isn’t meant to be perfect, but it’s certainly not meant to be a struggle. 


This struggle often comes about because people think they have to be anything but themselves. Growth doesn’t mean you’re completely changing who you ARE at your CORE. You’re already that person. You simply have layers upon layers of the “you” that society has shaped.  Those are the layers we remove when we seek personal development. Those layers aren’t YOU. They aren’t your truth. 


It pains me to see so many beautiful people putting so much pressure on themselves to be something or someone else when they are, in fact, AMAZING as they are. Society has trained them to see their flaws as faults, which in turn makes them strive to be “better.” But in reality, they’re striving to be someone else. Someone who doesn’t have that “fault”. 


I’m not saying it’s bad to work on flaws. I’m impatient as fuck at times and that can be a huge flaw. And I work on it. But that impatience serves a purpose in my life, so I never try and get rid of it completely. But my impatient moments really used to bother some people and they would remind me of it every chance they got. So, there were times I would sulk and cry thinking it made me a bad or undesirable person.


When I stopped trying to rid myself of impatience and instead used it to help me GROW, I removed myself from the chains of the desire for perfection. I removed myself from trying to live out other people’s truths. 


THAT is what is so potentially dangerous about growth. People will get to this place where they think they constantly need to change themselves. They see growth as the path to perfection. 


Guys and gals, perfection is an OPINION. 


There, I said it.


Why are we striving for an OPINION?! 


We disguise it as our own opinion, but in reality is an opinion we have based on OTHERS’ thoughts and beliefs. 


Example: I just happen to think that salsa from On the Border is PURE perfection. I could drink that stuff out of a straw (kidding, maybe). But my husband thinks it’s too much. It works, because I can eat mine plus his, but what if I took his opinion to be absolute truth? 


I’d be missing out on some amazing freaking salsa.


Maybe salsa isn’t the same as when it comes to being a human being, but it CAN be that simple. 


We just make it complicated. In the wise words of Avril, why ya gotta go and make things so complicated? 


A lot of people start to work on personal development and get jazzed up when they see positive changes in their life. NEAT. But then they become dissatisfied with growth and want results NOW. They value the end result thinking it will bring them all this peace and happiness and freedom when in FACT, it’s going to leave them feeling even less satisfied. Because, contrary to our mind’s belief, fireworks do NOT go off when you pay off that student loan or find that special someone. 


So, people find the next thing in life that they think can bring them that happiness, peace, and freedom.


And they will get stuck in this cycle of SEARCHING. They will get stuck on the quest for perfection. That EPIC end result that will finally give them the feelings they desire to have.


Not to be blunt, my friends, but we ALL have the end result in life, and that’s death. 


No really. We are all going to die. 


You are going to find that, if you get the opportunity to live a full life, you paying off your loans by the time you’re 30 or you owning a BMW isn’t what made your life so great. It’s going to be the moments that  you 100% lived in your truth and not the outward idea of what a “perfect” life looks like. 


Can those things ADD to your happiness? Absolutely. It’s not a bad thing to want fun things or to want the burden of debt to be gone. And I’m not here to make you feel guilty about wanting those things!! 


I’m simply here to shake up your idea that there’s this elusive end result that will make you happy, free, and at peace.


Those feelings come in the growth. Those feelings come IN THE MOMENT. If you put them in the future, that’s where they will ALWAYS stay... In the future.


Work on being present. Embrace the growth you go through. Think of yourself as a flower who has to shed the skin of the seed and the dirt to beautifully blossom. Flowers need both the rain (“negativity”) and the sun (“positivity”) to LIVE. Just like you. 


Live life for YOUR truth.  Not for the perfection. 



Xo, Staci 


PS- The first half of the title was inspired by a line I read in Rachel Hollis’s new book Girl, Stop Apologizing. You should get it because it’s FANTASTIC. But that’s just my opinion ;) 

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Picking The Right Personal Development Resource

The other day I was scrolling The Gram, procrastinating doing anything productive, when I came across a post from a coach who was talking about her newest course she was about to launch. This person is fabulous and produces beautiful content, but I was triggered by a statement she made about this new course. She talked about how she wanted to make it THE course you would need so that you wouldn’t have to keep taking course after course of the same information. Now, let me note, I LOVE her confidence in her abilities to teach others. That’s so important when you’re a personal development entrepreneur.

Then, yesterday, I read a post along the same lines by someone who was talking about their book. Now, as someone who has self-published a book, I know how exciting it is to have others love your work. You get to breathe a sigh of relief and your confidence boots up a bit more. For lack of better words, it’s validating.

But I have to disagree with wanting people to ONLY purchase your course, your book, content, etc. Are there thousands of books and courses out there that have the same information as the next? Absolutely. Are you the best at explaining your area of interest? Maybe you are. But that’s limiting your readers and followers in a world where information is ABUNDANT. It’s mighty bold for you to assume that you are the voice everyone needs to hear. Think back to your days in school. Did you love all of your Math teachers? Most likely not, but they all taught the same subject. Or maybe you did like all of them, but it took just one to ignite your understanding of the concepts. Fun fact: That Math teacher for me left me off the seating chart one time. She impacted my life so much that she was a guest at my wedding :)

Anyway, I never want someone to pick up my books, courses, and journals and only mine. I have unique experiences that help me connect with others who have similar experiences, but that doesn’t mean I can connect with everyone. And quite honestly, I wouldn’t want to. I don’t know how to relate to people who have battled with addiction nor do I have the knowledge of what it feels like to have an eating disorder. But I can relate to the person who just lost their mom. I can relate to the young adult who has experienced so much grief that for a while there, it seemed like life was only going to take from her. I can relate to the first-generation college student. I can relate to the person living paycheck to paycheck while chasing a dream. But I can’t relate to the person who grew up having everything they ever wanted or the person who had a normal family dynamic (to no fault of their own). My teachings may not reach those who do not share my experiences at some level. And that’s okay!

So, what can you do if you are the one seeking the teachers and coaches along your personal development journey?

  1. Among the Many People You Follow, Choose At Least TWO to Use As Mentors: You are going to find that as you continue to learn and grown, your needs in terms of a coach and mentor are going to change. I have found that having a few different authors/speakers to gather information from is super beneficial. I’ve read many books from many different authors, and have found golden information from all of them. But there are a handful that I resonate with the most, so I keep their books close by and follow them on social media in case I need a quick hit of inspiration from them. I’ve resonated with authors/speakers in previous years that I do not resonate with now, and so I want to tell you it’s okay to move on once they’ve served a purpose in your life.

  2. Do NOT Place the Power In Anyone’s Hands But Your Own: The problem with sticking with just one teacher as you move through your life of growth is that a lot of people tend to idolize and put this person on a pedestal. They can do no wrong and if they say anything that doesn’t agree with something you believe, you feel as if you’re wrong and they’re right. In my early years, I was very impressionable and often felt torn when someone I was following said something that was so far from what I believed about a topic. The best thing about being an individual is that you get to have your OWN beliefs and opinions that are separate from others’. It is very true that anything you need is already within you, and even though sometimes we need the words of others to draw those resources out of us, we must remember to never give anyone else OUR power.

  3. Acknowledge the ABUNDANCE of Information Available to You: I think part of what bothers me about teachers, coaches, and authors claiming their products and services are the only ones you’ll ever need is that that approach contributes to a lack mentality. We live in a time when information is at our finger tips 24/7, so why should we only be limited to ONE source? When you Google something, you’re given thousands of websites and articles that can help you on your quest for whatever it is you want to know about. It would kind of suck if Google only gave you one website that they found was best for you. You would feel limited and probably annoyed that you’re being forced to use this one source. Don’t do that when working with teachers/coaches. Respect them and their work, but know that you don’t have to accept what they say as the gospel. Abundance is real, my friends. (Teacher/Coach/Author Gut Check: This isn’t a competition. There are plenty of people who need your light and love, so trust in the abundance and ditch the lack mentality. The Universe will provide you with the perfect clients).

  4. TAKE ACTION: It is VERY easy to get caught up in the learning process without actually doing anything. There was a time in my life when all I would do was read book after book without APPLYING anything I was reading. I thought if I read just one more book it would help everything click in my mind and then life would fall into place. While I definitely believe in the power of alignment, I also know that if I don’t take inspired action (flowing action, not forceful action), then everything I read has been a waste. Whatever course you’re taking or book you’re reading most likely urges you to step up the plate and do your part in creating your dreams. Sometimes that will lead you to another book or another course, and that’s okay! But don’t be a serial reader/course taker without purpose. Make sure you are taking in the information for a REASON.

All in all, you’re going to find what works for you in relation to your personal development. You may choose to follow and learn from those who have similar experiences to you or maybe they don’t. Maybe you just like they way they present themselves and want to adapt some of their habits. It’s all up to you!

And I’m not saying that if someone claims their work is the bees knees that you should run far away, because coaches and teachers really do infuse their works with love & enthusiasm. But don’t let anyone make you believe you can’t seek information elsewhere when you find you need it. Me included! I give you permission (even though you don’t need it) to go elsewhere if and when you need it! That’ the beauty of this abundant universe! There are plenty of humans to help and plenty of teachers to help them :)

Happy Monday, Klutzes! Love you all!

xo, Staci

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Driving & The Power of Personal Development

You know the scene… You overslept, stubbed your toe getting out of bed, you spilled your coffee all over the place and in places you never even thought there were, and you’re sitting in a shit ton of traffic. All on the day you were supposed to be in work a half hour early.

You’re growing increasingly annoyed by the minute and would you look at that! You come up behind a school bus. But not just any school bus. A school bus who is stopping at every other intersecting street to pick up giggling elementary schoolers. I don’t know if you have ever waited for an elementary kid to get on a bus, but they don’t do it with any hustle whatsoever.

You’ve had enough and let out a giant, annoyed SIGH. Maybe a curse or two.

And from there on out, your day spirals into the pit of misery (Dilly Dilly). That Manic Monday-ish morning is now running and ruining your day.

What if I told you that the perfect place to practice all of those personal development tools you’ve learned along the way is smack dab in the middle of alllllllllll that chaos.

Laugh all you want, Karen, but it’s YOU whose peace is at stake here.

So, what exactly can you do to flip the script when all you want to do is Hulk Smash your way through the drive?

First and foremost, remember that just because you’re in a hurry, doesn’t mean everyone else is too. Yes, you may have the most important meeting of your life the second you walk into work, but the driver in front of you may be driving for the first time on their own after getting their license. So they’re taking their time because they’re just getting the hang of this whole driving thing.

Or maybe you’re the one who is driving at your own, merry pace and there is an aggressive driver behind you. They’re swerving in and out of traffic and you automatically assume this person is just an asshole. Some of you may flip them the finger, some of you may speed up to try and cut them off from cutting YOU off. But what if that driver is racing to the hospital to say goodbye to a loved one who may not be able to hold on until they get there?

What if you being stuck in that traffic, or behind that bus, or at a never ending red light is actually saving your life? Because just down the road, a horrible accident just occurred.

Yes, these are all “what if” scenarios. But seriously, WHAT IF?!

So now that I’ve (hopefully) stopped you in your tracks, what are are some things you can do when you start to feel that anger or anxiousness behind the wheel?

  1. Tell Yourself The Rush Is Not Worth It: Maybe you ARE heading to that most important meeting of your life or maybe your loved one is the one fighting for their life. But it is not going to do anyone any good if something happens to you. If you get into an accident, you’re not getting that promotion (at least not at that meeting). If you get into an accident, your loved ones will have someone else to worry about. If your boss can’t understand traffic and would rather you risk your safety to make a meeting, do you really even want to devote your time to someone so careless? You are valuable so that means no rush is worth your life.

  2. Put On Some Fun Music: I have been known to shamelessly rock out to the Moana soundtrack in my car at an alarmingly loud volume. Seriously, no shame. It really helps you calm the fuck down* if you have some tunes on that get you singing along and forgetting why you were even annoyed or anxious in the first place. Some days that may be Spice Girls. Other days it may be Celine Dion. Whatever floats your boat. I suggest making a playlist, though, so that when you feel yourself getting to that place of road rage, you can switch on the music at the snap of your fingers and be on your way to the road concert of your life.

    * Sorry for the extreme language. I felt it necessary since we’re talking about road rage.

  3. State Ten Things You’re Grateful For: Gratitude is so calming. It really is. Maybe you’re thankful for the car you’re driving because it gets you where you need to go in a safe and comfortable manner. Maybe you’re grateful you were able to make another cup of coffee after that epic spill earlier in the morning (Nothing beats the Epic Milk Spill of 2012… Ask me about it). Whatever it is you’re grateful for, let the peace fill you and do not work to build the anger/annoyance back up. And if you can’t keep track, use your ten fingers on the steering wheel. Tick one finger down each time you state something you’re grateful for. Ah, the simple tools we have available to us.

  4. Talk Out Loud To Yourself or a Higher Power: Driving is the best time to talk out loud to your guides. Is there some outcome you’re hoping for? Talk to your guides about it! Maybe your prayers are answered in the form of your boss being stuck in that same exact traffic, so the meeting you think you’re missing isn’t even happening. Even just talking to yourself and giving one hell of a pep talk can do wonders for your spirit. Maybe state some affirmations out loud. The best part of today’s world is you won’t look like you’re talking to yourself because you can play it off like you’re talking on your Bluetooth. PERKS. So talk it up.

It really isn’t that difficult to turn around your thoughts and feelings when it comes to driving and road rage. You just have to be WILLING to do so. And it’s your choice. It definitely doesn’t do your blood pressure any good to fly off the handle at anything happening on the road (or really anything for that matter).

Next time you’re out on the road and feel yourself getting heated, try turning the tables on that heat! Give one, or all of these tips a try! You may not always catch yourself right away, but you’ll start to notice it gets as you continue to practice them.

Drive safe & peacefully, my friends!

xo, Staci

Open Letter to the ladies of Siesta Key:

Maybe this sounds weird coming from someone who is older than you, but you ladies could have been my students my first year or so of teaching, so I almost feel protective over you. I so feel for you all as I read the comments on your Instagram pictures and Tweets. Some of them are great, but then some of them are downright HURTFUL. I want to jump in and just make people see how hypocritical they are being, but it’s the internet. No one wants to be held accountable for their actions (which is funny because they LOOOVE commenting on yours). 


So I wanted to give some advice. Not that I’ve been on a reality TV show for my early adult years to be shown for the critics of the world.. But I’ve been in some of the positions you guys have been in and I want you to feel like you’re understood by at least SOMEONE. Us WOMEN have to stick together 😘


1. Pay Attention to the Love, Forget the Hate: Easier said than done, I know. Especially when you are being bombarded with comments of people who think they know exactly what happened because they saw a CLIP (that goes through editing.........) of a TV show. But love on the people who support you and build you up. I always see you guys explaining yourself and I think it sucks you feel you have to do that. Because you don’t. If people can’t wrap their minds around the FACT that you are on a REALITY TV SHOW, that’s on them. That’s them being close-minded. Nothing against your producers, but if people can’t see that they get to manipulate what gets shown and what doesn’t, then is it really worth explaining yourself to them? The scene between Kelsey and Jacob was PROOF of editing, in my opinion. I looked at my husband after that scene and said “Did that seem HEAVILY edited to you? No conversation flows like that.”  In my opinion, the producers of the show throw you guys out to the wolves, but I guess that comes with the territory of being on TV. 



2. Find SOMETHING to Do That Helps With Your Mental Health, If You Don’t Already Have It: I can’t even imagine the anxiety that courses through you as the show is airing. My heart broke when I saw Chloe’s tweet about it being 8am the next day and she still hadn’t slept. That’s not good!! And it’s not fair to you. Again, I know it must be the territory, but this is a chapter in your life that is already so stressful with figuring out your life and what your future looks like. To add a TV show on top of that, one that more often airs your dirty laundry than show any good you may do, has to be kicking your psyche’s ass. You’re all so beautiful so please, please, please make sure you are taking care of yourselves in healthy ways! Yoga, meditation, reading, shoot even just soaking up that Florida sun! You matter and so does your mental health❤️

3. Be So Strong in Who You Are, But Know That Can Change, Too!: Who you are in this moment is not who you will be in 5, 10, 20 years. Don’t let comments or even the show in general define your lifetime. I think sometimes it’s hard for young women to really stand in their truth, because we have learned that to break the mold is to break into a danger zone, so to speak. It’s safer to be ordinary. None of you are ordinary and that draws a lot of jealousy and negative attention. Remember that no one can make you feel a certain way without your permission! 


There’s a million more things I can say but it all just boils down to one thing: Be you and pay no mind to the keyboard warriors. I’ve wanted to write something to pep you guys up for a while, and after last week’s episode I knew I just had to do it. 


Stay strong, love life, have FUN, and let go of anything/anyone that drags you down! There are people out there that want this for ALL of you! 


Love, Staci